It’s ok, my clothes will keep me company

According to article after article after article, people are lonelier than ever. They have smaller friend groups, stay single longer, join fewer clubs, and spend more time alone. There’s a lot of things we could point the blame at: the rise of remote work, people spending more time on screens and social media, the decline of third places, or an increase in staying at home to save money thanks to good ‘ol inflation.

But there’s another possible explanation: our relationship with our stuff has replaced our relationships with people.

Fashion Psychology suggests that shopping used to be a social activity. For centuries, shopping areas were gathering places where people could spend hours recreationally both buying products and interacting with others. It was not only a way to show your status, but also a time for learning about the goings-on in your area. 

Even in modern times, malls, shopping plazas, and high streets were considered mainstays for large cities and small towns alike. They were community institutions that provided a shared experience, because even though we weren’t shopping in the same places, we felt like we were. They were all full of the same chain retailers and department stores, looked the same, and even smelled the same.

Today, shopping is considered a chore. Going to a real store requires effort (and putting on real clothes), with no guarantee you’ll find what you’re actually looking for. Instead, people order clothes online, post pictures on social media asking for people’s thoughts (many of whom they’ve never met), and ship back the rejects without ever leaving the comfort of their own home. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with that, but on a humanistic level, it lacks any social connection that we are all so desperately craving. 

What could be more perfect of an example of this disconnect than the rise of the ‘fit check. We used to ask our friends their opinions before ever going out the front door. Now we ask the internet. Part of that may be because we know our real friends are busy and we can get responses faster from the chronically online. But maybe it’s also because we care more about being seen wearing a certain thing and how we’re perceived online than in our friend group. The dozens of “OMG so cute” comments also help.

And so as the act of shopping has lost its social connotation and many of the places we used to shop continue to close, people are still looking for a way to find a sense of belonging. 

Unfortunately, they aren’t finding that connection in their everyday interactions (or lack thereof). Instead, they seem to be finding it through trends. According to Fashion Psychology, they’re finding connection through a shared sense of style or owning the “it item” (think: the Stanely cup craze or these new mesh flats that everyone seems to be wearing). Their inclusion stems from owning the same item rather than something deeper, like having the same hobby or being from the same place.

Fashion has often been considered its own form of connection because it can signify that you and someone else have similar interests. A jersey can show a shared love for the same team. A concert tee, the same artist or genre of music. Paint-covered overalls, the same hobby. 

With today’s trends, though, these “indicator fashions” are often taken completely out of context. Cowboy boots are on the streets of New York City. People who have never taken a dance class in their life are wearing bodysuits and wrap skirts. Grateful Dead tees are being donned by people who would never be caught listening to classic rock.

This isn’t an argument that items need to be gatekept by only the truest of fans or people who live in a certain area. But when our only connection to our clothes becomes “because they’re cool” we actually lose that connection completely. We end up having superficial connections to other people through the superficial connections they also have with their clothes because no one is wearing anything that means something to them anymore. Thus, we end up having no real connections at all, except for the fact you wanted to own the same item at the same time. 

And since trends today are changing at a quicker pace than ever, people must change as well to keep up. Inevitably, the focus ends up staying on constantly trying to wear “what’s cool” rather than fostering real connections with other people. And therefore, both (the trends and people) become disposable. But at least you look cute tho, right?